Wedding Speech Order UK: Who Speaks When and for How Long

The speeches are one of the most emotional parts of the day, but working out the wedding speech order can leave couples scratching their heads. Who goes first? Should the bride say a few words? Do the speeches happen before or after the meal? As a wedding photographer I have sat through hundreds of toasts, from tear-jerking tributes to best man stories that brought the house down, so here is my practical guide to getting the running order right for your day.

The Traditional Wedding Speech Order

In the UK, tradition says there are three main speakers. First comes the father of the bride, who welcomes guests, thanks everyone for coming and says a few proud words about his daughter. Next is the groom, who thanks the father of the bride, the guests and the wedding party, and usually finishes with a toast to the bridesmaids. Finally the best man takes the floor with his speech, which tends to be the funniest and finishes with a toast to the happy couple.

This running order works because each speech hands naturally to the next. The host opens the celebrations, the newlyweds respond, and the best man closes on a high. If you like the classic feel, there is no need to change a thing.

Modern Alternatives to the Traditional Running Order

Plenty of couples now rewrite the rules, and I love seeing it. A modern wedding speech order might include the bride speaking alongside or instead of the groom, a maid of honour or best woman giving a toast, a mother or step-parent stepping in for the father of the bride, or both families saying a few words together. Same-sex couples often share a joint speech, which can be a lovely way to tell your story in your own voice.

A popular modern approach is:

• Parent or host welcome
• Couple’s speech (together or one after the other)
• Maid of honour or best woman
• Best man or best friend to finish

The key to a good wedding speech order is balance. Finish with your strongest, most entertaining speaker so the room is buzzing as you move on to the next part of the evening.

How Long Should Each Speech Be?

As a rule of thumb, five to ten minutes per person is plenty. Three speeches of around seven minutes adds up to roughly twenty minutes, which keeps guests engaged without the food going cold. Once you add more speakers, encourage everyone to trim their notes. When you plan your wedding speech order, it helps to give each speaker a rough time slot so nobody overruns, and remind them that the best speeches are personal, warm and short.

Before or After the Meal?

Traditionally, speeches happen after the wedding breakfast, once dessert is cleared and the toasting glasses are filled. These days many couples move them before the meal so nervous speakers can relax and enjoy their food. Some even split them between courses. There is no wrong answer, but do let your venue and caterers know, as it affects their timings in the kitchen.

Wedding Speech Order Tips for Better Photos

From a photography point of view, the speeches are a goldmine of genuine emotion. I am not just watching the person with the microphone; I am looking at the reactions around the room, the couple laughing, a parent wiping away a tear, a grandparent beaming with pride. A few simple tips make a big difference:

• Light the speakers. If you have candles or uplighters, make sure the top table is not in darkness.
• Keep the background tidy. Move bottles, bags and clutter off the top table before speeches begin.
• Tell your photographer the order. Sharing the final wedding speech order in advance means I know exactly where to stand for each person.
• Avoid surprises in the dark. If a speaker plans a slideshow or prop, let me know so I can be ready.
• Look at each other. Some of my favourite frames are couples sharing a glance during a heartfelt line.

Who Introduces the Speakers?

At larger weddings, a toastmaster or master of ceremonies usually introduces each speaker and keeps things moving. At smaller or more relaxed celebrations, the best man, a confident friend or even the venue coordinator can do the job. Whoever it is, give them a written copy of the running order and the correct names of everyone speaking. It sounds obvious, but it saves awkward pauses on the day.

If you are planning a wedding in the area, take a look at my page on wedding photographer in Hampshire for packages, local venues and answers to common questions.

Final Thoughts

Whether you follow tradition to the letter or create a wedding speech order that is completely your own, the best speeches are the ones that sound like the people giving them. Plan the timings, brief your speakers and then sit back and enjoy every word, because those moments make some of the most treasured photographs in any gallery.

If you would like your speeches captured in a relaxed, documentary style, take a look at my wedding photography packages or get in touch to check my availability. You can also read my guide to wedding photography styles in the UK.